Romney, Obama, and Weed

As the 2012 election enters its final weeks, I decided to give the characters from my novel Full Asylum a chance to weigh in. First up is Brownie McCoy, sysadmin for the Byte Yourself Software corporation and infamous hippie for capitalism:

Ronald Reagan, man. He used to tell this story about a Republican politician who was campaigning down south, back in the days when Dixie was still Democrat. Arriving at a farm, the politician asked the farmer if he could, like, talk to him. When the farmer heard that the politician was a Republican, he was juiced. “Wait right here ‘til I go get Ma,” he said, “She’s never seen a Republican before.” When the farmer returned with his wife, the politician looked for a podium, but all he could find was a “a pile of that stuff that Bess Truman took 35 years trying to get Harry to call ‘fertilizer.’” The candidate climbed up on the mound and gave his speech. When he finished the farmer said, “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard a Republican speech.” The politician replied, “That’s the first time I’ve ever given a Republican speech from a Democratic platform.” It’s a primo joke, man, but this year the Republican platform got as much fertilizer as the Democrat one. Obama and Romney are both fascizoids. They’re like Republicrats. Neither one of them is serious about getting government under control. They’re both beaucoup with the spending. Romney’s amigo Ryan got a plan to balance the budget — in the year 2040. As for Obama, his budget never balances. Also, neither of these hosers is going to legalize weed. That’s a bummer; Cheech Marin — or was it Tommy Chong? — said marijuana is the friendliest drug there is. Puff on a joint and your first instinct is to hand it to someone else. And those government CREEPS could stand to be friendlier. This one time, one of them was trying to take my brownies away and I said, “I got rights, man” and he hit me with the butt of his rifle. If he got a little baked, he wouldn’t be so hostile. Speaking of weed, did anyone see this from Family Guy? Fox is pretty ruthless about preventing bootlegging, but this guy rebelled and got it on YouTube by adding a bogus intro. Start about 35 seconds in: Oh, I almost forgot. The election. The only candidate for president who can spell freedom is Gary Johnson from the Libertarian Party. He says he’s going to balance the budget next year, repeal the Patriot Act, audit the Fed, and put limits on TSA pat-downs. He’s the only one that gets that free enterprise means no bailouts, no corporate welfare, and no protectionism. Also he wants to legalize weed. ‘Cause it’s important to legalize weed. I know, Johnson’s probably not going to win. But if the Federales try to come after my weed, I’ll be ready. I’m building something in the basement that’ll make them think twice. Love and Greed, Brownie

Brownie McCoy is a character in Full Asylum, a novel about politics, freedom, and chocolaty baked goods. His views do not necessarily reflect those of author Michael Isenberg. Check out Full Asylum on Amazon.com.