Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Top Ten Additional Obama Executive Orders

President Obama released his much-hyped executive gun control orders today, and they were a big anti-climax: piddling initiatives like “Publish a letter from ATF to federally licensed gun dealers providing guidance on how to run background checks for private sellers” and “Launch a national safe and responsible gun ownership campaign.” The president will have to wait on Congress for the big stuff like banning “assault weapons” (good luck with that, Barry).

Well, piddling is what Obama does best. No doubt he’ll do more of it. Here then are my predictions for Top Ten Additional Obama Executive Orders:

#10 Income tax audit for that guy that was mean to him in 10th grade.

#9 Michelle Obama fat jokes now punishable by six years in Leavenworth.

#8 New Obamacare mandate: extra-large suppositories

#7 White House staff to be issued those cool Che Guevara hats.

#6 Raise the ethical standards of the administration by appointing new cabinet secretary Lance Armstrong.

#5 In order to receive federal education funds, school districts must replace Pledge of Allegiance with Obama National Anthem

#4 If Congress doesn’t raise the debt ceiling, no dessert.

#3 In honor of Elizabeth Warren, September is now National Fake Indian History Month.

#2 Twenty percent increase in Snausages for Piers Morgan.

And the #1 Additional Obama Executive Order…
Special 150% tax bracket for all citizens named “Rush.”

Michael Isenberg is the author of Full Asylum, a novel about politics, freedom, and hospital gowns. Check it out on

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