Top 10 Signs You’re Watching a Bad James Bond Movie

#10 Martini is stirred, not shaken.

#9 007 goes back to hotel room, finds Chris Christie in his bed.

#8 M has to resign after affair with Paula Broadwell.

#7 Chase scene is on Segways.

#6 Thanks to QE3, Miss Moneypenny now worth only half a penny.

#5 Villain named Ernst Stavro Boo Boo.

#4 UN Small Arms Treaty requires Bond to use a gun that just fires a flag with “Bang!” written on it.

#3 Q’s workshop staffed entirely by Oompa Loompas.

#2 Villain has evil scheme to sell health insurance that doesn’t cover contraception.

And finally…
#1 Bond says to girl, “Let’s just cuddle.”

Michael Isenberg is the author of the James Bond parody Full Asylum. Check it out on Amazon.com.

Top 10 Obama Plans for 2nd Term

#10 Learn how to pronounce “corpsman.”

#9 Grab ankles; ask Putin if that’s flexible enough.

#8 Travel to 38 countries, none of them Israel.

#7 Ship uncounted Romney ballots to that Raiders of the Lost Ark warehouse.

#6 Give Paula Broadwell a debriefing, if you get my drift (oops – that’s Bill Clinton’s plan for Obama’s 2nd term).

#5 Drunk dial House of Representatives, ask to speak to Speaker “Boner.”

#4 Visit Freedom Tower, tell architect, “You didn’t build that.”

#3 Find out what this economy thing is that Romney kept talking about.

#2 Change name to Obama Boo Boo

#1 Blame everything on the first Obama term.

Michael Isenberg is the author of Full Asylum, a novel about politics, freedom, and hospital gowns. Learn more at www.FullAsylum.com.