Friday, February 8, 2013

Top Ten Things to Do During Winter Storm Nemo

Top Ten

With Winter Storm Nemo forecast to dump 150 feet of snow on the Northeast, some of us may be stuck inside for a bit. Here are some ways to pass the time:

#10 Photoshop yourself kissing Bar Rafaeli.

#9 Three Words: Forty-eight. Hour. Tequilathon.

#8 Re-read your New Year’s resolutions and laugh.

#7 Eat two-dozen donuts, a whole chicken, and a small water buffalo wrapped in bacon: pretend you’re Chris Christie.

#6 Tell everyone you’re out shooting skeet.

#5 Dump that dead hooker that’s been in your trunk since Christmas. Now they won’t find her ‘til spring.

#4 Write a polite, well-reasoned letter to President Obama telling him to go drone himself.

#3 Clean. Because there are germs everywhere. Especially in the bathroom. I know I just cleaned this morning, but they're back again. And on the kitchen counters. Don't forget to scrub the part under the edge where the counter overhangs. Dust behind the refrigerator! The broom can’t hold it. She’s breaking up….

(Wait, is this top ten things to do or top ten signs you need to get out of the house?)

#2 Entertain your children with fascinating stories about how much worse storms were in the old days. Before they had the Internet. Or video games. Or fire.

And speaking of fire: the #1 Way to Spend Winter Storm Nemo:
Follow the lead of this gal:

Lady Jane Grey enjoys the fire.

BONUS THING TO DO DURING WINTER STORM NEMO: Curl up with a good book. May I recommend my novel Full Asylum (“Atlas Shrugged with professional wrestlers”). I'm offering a Winter Storm special: download Full Asylum to your Kindle or other reader in less than a minute for only 99-cents. But hurry! This offer ends with the storm. Available at to sneak in income-generating stuff. Skeets ain’t free, you know.)

Michael Isenberg is the author of Full Asylum, a novel about politics, freedom, and hospital gowns. Check it out on

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